Pre-Module Homework

There are assignments to complete before attending each training module which involve reading two books and writing papers on each. The books for Module 1 deal specifically with the mindset of the musician, both in performing and also exploring the spiritual side of music. In fact, two of the books I have read (see list on the left) turned out to be downright therapeutic. Here are a couple of sample excerpts:

We tell ourselves so many lies and half-truths … “I can’t hit that high note without clutching … I’m a lousy sight-reader … Oops, here comes that spot – I’ll never make it through. Everyone else can play more difficult music than I can. I’m just a phony who has bluffed my way here and they’ll find me out." We listen and are duly impressed and intimidated by these inner voices that turn into unseen judges that nag at us. We give each of these judges a seat of honor in our minds, all the while hating their guts and their never-ending supply of judgments. -A Soprano on Her Head by Eloise Ristad

On the flip side ...

We can lessen the power of these nagging, bothersome judges that continually defeat us and stifle our spontaneity. We aren’t doomed to constant censorship from these commentators on our every act and thought. There is even a chance that we can come to terms with them and find the good in them. -E.R.

Here's another one ... lengthy, but good:

When we give ourselves permission to fail, we at the same time give ourselves permission to excel. Some power seems to come roaring through that we hadn’t suspected was there. There is a strong urge in each of us to use our capabilities; it is the potent urge towards living that we were born with. Yet many of us seem to have been indoctrinated all along the way with the propaganda that we were born with only lethargy and laziness and that we can only succeed by browbeating ourselves … We try to hard to succeed, all of us. We try so hard to be good people, to avoid making mistakes, to live up to our own expectations, to live up to the expectations of our parents, friends, teachers. We practice so hard for our next lesson … we carefully prepare for the next performance, whether for the concert stage, for the executive conference, or for the more mundane scenes of everyday life … We can’t bear the mistakes we might make; we can’t bear the censure and the criticism due us if we do poorly. What a tremendous amount of energy we invest in that effort to prove, over and over again, that we can succeed … After all that trying, it is such a luxury to know that it is not only permissible to fail part of the time, but an essential ingredient of being human. And we find that the failing is not failing after all, but merely learning, if we can tune into the information available in all our experiencing and not attach labels of good/bad or success/failure to experiences. Better yet, we sometimes find that when failure is permissible, success is also legitimate – yet not mandatory. -E.R.

Let's face it -- in order to do this job effectively, it is critical that I can simply accept myself, my musical ability (whether beginner or pro), and present what I have to offer without apology. After all, the focus of this particular job isn't about me, it's about the patient and what that person needs above anything else.

(Big sigh) Too bad this doesn't happen in an afternoon.

Ah, life. It's not about the destination, it's about everything that happens on the way there.