Assessment #2

My advisor, Mona, sent the evaluation of my performance at the last training module. Apparently, I listen and take advice well. (She did a lot of coaching with each of us during the training weekend.) Bottom line is, I'm still in the program, and Mona thinks I will make a good Certified Music Pratitioner.

So, here's how twisted my brain is: I find it hard to not put pressure on myself after reading the words "good CMP." Now I actually have to LIVE UP TO THAT.

[SIGH]

Will I EVER be able to embrace the idea of living in the moment vs. projecting what I think will happen in the future? An equally difficult thing for me is NOT to dwell on past events. It seems that I find myself looking ahead and behind and ahead and behind so often that I completely miss where I am at the present time. It's a stressful and, quite frankly, meaningless way to live.

No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead ... (Phil. 3:13)

That "forgetting the past" thing is so much easier said than done. Not that we don't learn from the past and it's successes/failures -- the key for me is to be able leave these things where they belong: in the past.

And let's face it, living in the present moment is WORK. Yet this is a challenge I welcome. It never made more sense to me than when I heard Archbiship Henry Orombi of Uganda phrase the Apostle Paul's words like this: "Travel light. Pace yourself. We've got a long way to run in this life."

So isn't it funny that I consider it "work" to lay things down that I don't need to carry? Let me just say that, if you grew up where I did with the people I did, you were taught to clean up your own messes. How is it that I have the right to unload the baggage of my past failures and fears and grudges on the side of the road?

Isn't that littering?

And somehow, God is gently encouraging me to loosen my grip on these things and let Him dispose of them. I'm figuring out that it's not my job to hang on to those things. It's my job to hang on to God.