The Needs of the Dying

In preparation for Module 5, I read a wonderful book: The Needs of the Dying by David Kessler. This book served, for me at least, as a primer on the subject of death. I am a typical American who has rarely encountered this final phase of life on earth. And - quite honestly - I have struggled more with the idea of my loved ones' deaths rather than my own. How does one share that experience?

The author writes about walking to the gate:

The concept of "walking to the gate" has much to offer with respect to life and death. Today's newborn is "met at the gate" by his father in the delivery room. The father hands him to the mother and may then cut the umbilical cord. Dad is no longer confined to or content to sit in the waiting room. Just as greeting the newborn at the "gate" is beneficial, we should do the same for the dying.

… We walk our loved ones to the gate when we bring them home to die. We walk our loved ones to the gate when we spend the night in the hospital room rather than waiting in the waiting room for them to die. We walk them to the gate when we let them know that no matter what happens, we will be with them. We finish our unfinished business when we say what needs to be said, we cry with them and for them, and we hold their hands as we walk them to the gate.

So in the line of work I'm pursuing, bringing therapeutic music to the bedside of an actively dying patient is an opportunity to be part of walking that individual to their gate. Kessler has helped me put words to this desire in my heart ... something I wasn't able to articulate prior to reading his book.

Death is as primitive as birth. Often loud and messy, it is always deeply authentic. We can find peace and dignity in this authenticity.

At some point in all of our lives, we will be faced with the loss of a friend, loved one, or even our own life. Let me just say that, this book is the one for you. It's an incredible resource.